What kind of partner are you looking for?
After meeting countless individuals on various dating platforms and matrimonial websites, the most challenging question I consistently faced is:
What kind of partner you’re looking for?
The popular answer
Among all the standardized, templated answers that I both gave and received — such as good looks, independence, family orientation, and a decent salary — there is one answer that surpasses them all, an answer that no one has been able to concretely define: “VIBE.”
Our vibes didn’t match
Most of us have likely come across these statements, including the mention of the word “vibe”:
- I’m sensing positive vibes from this person.
- His vibe is affecting my mood negatively.
- This café or bar exudes great vibes.
Each person and place emits a distinct vibe, be it positive, negative, or neutral. It’s not wrong to say that each person or place offers a unique vibe.
However, the outcome was far from pleasant when I expressed the same sentiment to my parents after meeting a girl on Jeevansathi, for whom they had high hopes due to her impressive credentials. After hearing this statement, “Mom, our vibes didn’t match”, I decently got left and right from my dad, along with receiving a complimentary flying chappal from my mom.
Good or Bad: Facets of the same coin
To comprehend Vibe, it is crucial to acknowledge that there exists no universal definition of good or bad; they are merely two facets of the same coin. Goodness or badness is subjective, and let me clarify that I am by no means suggesting that killing someone is a positive act. So, if you engage in any unlawful activities, be prepared to face the consequences and cops 😉
Each individual has their own perspectives about life and how they perceive the world around them. Consequently, debates often arise among people, discussing the question of who is better:
- Virat Kohli and Sachin Tendulkar?
- Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Lawrence?
- The hottest one, between Messi and Ronaldo?
Sometimes, people can go to great lengths to prove another person’s perspective or point by throwing a surplus of statistics, such as box office collection numbers or the total number of goals scored. These debates are never-ending and will continue until people start questioning whether it is even worth it to change others’ perspectives.
What does this fancy word VIBE mean?
When we say the word ‘vibe,’ it refers to the vibrations that a person is emitting. These vibrations are not visible and can only be felt. I wish I could have superpowers like Street Fighter players to flex my vibe.
Let’s come back to reality; earlier when I quoted that each person or place emits different vibrations, and after understanding that vibrations can only be felt, then what do we mean by when people say that “our vibes matched”?
Remember a time when you met one of your close friends or someone with whom you felt a sense of comfort. During that time, you were able to communicate freely without being judged, and you were at your absolute best, i.e. complete authentic self.
How did that feel? Didn’t you feel like this moment should last longer? Didn’t you enjoy the moment?
Embracing Authenticity: A Tale of Vibes and Acceptance
My friend Vikas had been dating a girl named Richa for over two years. Every time we met, I was curious to know when they were planning to get married. He pretended that everything was as smooth as butter. However, I could sense that something was bothering him beneath the surface.
My natural inclination as a counsellor kicked in, and I couldn’t help but ask, “Vikas, what’s bothering you?” He confided in me that despite his efforts to continuously improve himself and their relationship, things were far from smooth. He even went as far as reading books like “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” However, the constant pressure to make everything perfect still persisted.
The fact about life is, it’s not perfect.
After a few months, Vikas crossed paths with another girl named Priya. She had a remarkable ability to make him feel accepted and valued just as he was, without any need for extra self-improvement solely for the sake of maintaining a relationship. Vikas and Priya began dating, and within six months, they took the leap and got engaged.
I was utterly amazed by his story, so I couldn’t help but ask, “Bro, what set apart your experience with Richa compared to Priya?” Vikas replied with a grin, saying, “Salil, our vibes matched 😉.” In essence, being with Priya allowed him to feel at ease in his own skin. She wholeheartedly accepted him for who he truly is, without requiring any extra effort to seek her approval.
Putting in effort and striving for self-improvement is commendable, as long as the intention is rooted in self-love rather than seeking approval from others.
The more effort you put into trying to win your partner’s approval, the higher the chances of actually losing it.
Start recognizing the Gut Feeling
Recognizing and understanding my own feelings has proven to be one of the most daunting tasks. In the past, my friend used to jokingly refer to me as a “Human Doing” rather than a “Human Being” because I was constantly in a state of doing rather than taking the time to sit and connect with my inner self.
However, over time, I have begun the process of finely tuning my inner voice and developing a deeper understanding of my own emotions. Now, I know when to utter these three magical words, “our vibes matched”:
- When I feel comfortable in my own skin, with the person accepting me with all my shortcomings and flaws.
- When I no longer aim to please or impress the other person out of fear of losing.
- When I feel that my perspective and opinions are valued and not judged.
- When I am able to communicate freely without the need to prove anything.
Vibe match is indeed a match made in heaven because that’s how two people can bring out their absolute best by simply being themselves.
Sail through the challenges merrily
Finding a partner with whom you can undoubtedly declare “our vibes matched” becomes imperative. This is the person who will likely accompany you through the journey of life, facing both its ups and downs together. It becomes crucial to select someone with whom you can be your authentic self, enabling you both to sail through the challenges of life as a team and bring out the best in each other.
What’s Next?
There are many more topics to be explained and stories to be told, follow me and keep an eye on this place. In the next few posts, I will be writing in detail about the following topics:
- The road towards non-neediness.
- Stop chasing, start attracting.
What are your thoughts on vibes? Feel free to share your experiences and thoughts in the comment section or on Twitter. Also, don’t forget to follow me on Medium.
Thanks for reading 😊 Cheers, keep learning and sharing 😊.
